I've heard people say things about themselves that I can't imagine them saying to someone else.
"I'm an idiot."
"I always screw everything up."
"I should have known better."
Sometimes it's said jokingly. Sometimes they're genuinely upset. Either way, the criticism comes easily, almost automatically.
Most of us understand that constantly criticizing another person isn't particularly helpful. Yet we seem to think it's an acceptable way to motivate ourselves.
We tell ourselves we should be doing more, handling things better, making fewer mistakes, and somehow managing everything without getting overwhelmed.
And when we don't meet those expectations, we add a little more criticism for good measure.
What's interesting is that many people genuinely believe being hard on themselves is what keeps them accountable. They worry that if they stop criticizing every mistake, they'll become careless, lazy, or unwilling to improve.
But we can recognize a mistake without turning it into a judgment about our entire character.
Suppose you forget something important. You can acknowledge that you forgot it, apologize if necessary, and figure out how to prevent it from happening again. None of that requires deciding you're incompetent.
For some people, that critical inner voice has been around for a very long time. Perhaps they grew up with high expectations or frequent criticism. Others develop those habits later, particularly during difficult periods in their lives.
Whatever the reason, the way we speak to ourselves can become so familiar that we hardly notice it.
World Kindness Day seems like a good opportunity to pay attention to that.
We spend a fair amount of time encouraging people to be considerate, patient, and understanding toward others. Those are important qualities, and I don't think anyone would argue that the world needs less of them.
But it's worth considering whether we apply any of that understanding to ourselves.
Being kind to yourself may mean admitting you're struggling rather than pretending everything is fine. It might mean allowing yourself to make a mistake without revisiting it fifty times. Or perhaps it means accepting that you can't accomplish everything you planned today.
You still have responsibilities. You still need to address problems and make changes when they're necessary.
You just don't have to be cruel to yourself in the process.
The next time you catch yourself thinking something particularly harsh, listen to what you're actually saying.
You might be surprised by how often you've heard it before.
Christine Aman MBA, MSN, APRN, NPc
